When you think about Self Love, do you ever find it hard to really get beyond the overtures of self-pampering and self-indulging to the main event of total self-acceptance and enlightenment? Me too.
We must, of course, start somewhere, so I would never (ever, ever) try to talk anyone out of, say, a blowout or a pedicure as an entry point for deeper relaxation. After all, enlightenment is subjective, whereas great hair is hard to argue with. However! I want to invite you to let the spa (or the wine bar) serve as a stopover on your way to deeper explorations of self-love, as opposed to your final destination.
With that goal in mind, here are 3 common #treatyoself scenarios, and ways you can turn them into self love solutions. Hurray for balancing earthly pleasures with sacred intentions for unconditional self love!
#treatyoself Scenario #1: a day (or an hour!) of pampering
As you sit and receive your pedicure, manicure, hair treatment, etc., reflect on your reasons for making the appointment. Do you feel any kind of pressure (however subtle) to conform to a particular aesthetic? If you do, acknowledge that truth; don't judge it. Just nod to yourself and say, "Ok, I feel this pressure. It's there in the mix. That's normal. But maybe I can ask myself for more."
Your Self-Love Solution:
Try shifting away from fear-based assumptions ("If I don't keep up appearances, I will lose my job / relationship with XYZ"). Move into celebration and intentional care ("My body is an incredible instrument. I accept myself as I am. I tend to my body the way I would a growing plant so my natural beauty and light can shine through. I allow myself to experience pleasure in the process.")
#treatyoself Scenario #2: Sharing time with friends over cocktails, dinner, etc.
Communicating with people you care for and trust is a magnificent way of shifting and clearing energy. But there are ways of communicating that can actually create more issues for you energetically and spiritually. As you chat, do you ever resort to gossip or descend into drama as a roundabout way of building each other up?
Your Self-Love Solution:
Before you meet up, create an intention (private or articulated) that involves holding space for each other without reinforcing narratives of victimization and entitlement. Listen and express yourself with an open heart.
You can even visualize rays of light flowing between your hearts to help take the communication and connection to an still-deeper level. Aaaaand, experiment with cutting out the alcohol now and then (I know, I know--it's a tall order. Just try it for fun!)
#TREATYOSELF Scenario #3: Engaging in screen time
I recently lost my phone for a week, and during that dark night of the soul I discovered a surprising number of ways I'd been using screen time to distract myself ... and here I thought I was being all purposeful and conscientious about it. Ha!
So I had to ask myself something you can also try on for size: Is the downtime you spend online or in front of the TV actually a sneaky way of numbing out or masking difficult issues and emotions? (Again; don't judge - just let the answer come through.)
Your Self-Love Solution:
Challenge yourself to stop accepting anything less than your full presence: You can't love yourself if you're checked out. Start paying attention to your body during these passive consumption sessions: Do you feel rejuvenated ... or numb? Do you feel you're expanding your horizons ... or are you just manipulating your blood pressure?
If you need an escape, try straight-up substituting another activity (i.e., "Every time I want to go down the Facebook rabbithole, I'm going to take a walk"). Or at the very least, log your screen time only when you have a clear purpose and focus for doing so. When you fulfill that objective, your time is up and you can move on to something else.
Going Forward
Of course, these are all just starting points for becoming more aware of whether you're making the most of the loving opportunities life sends your way. Self Love is an ongoing endeavor, and - for some of us - the greatest challenge we face.
But none of us are alone in this quest. Self-Love doesn't mean ignoring your community or isolating. Let the support and kindness of your friends and family guide you (directly or indirectly) to a place where you can meet yourself with acceptance, equanimity, and forgiveness.